clothes wearing a new shirt entire outfit. change our clothes,  wardrobe clothing wardrobe clothing fits and fits clothes clothes clothing a jacket or shawl a jacket or a shawl jacket in the car wardrobe purse wardrobe purse. everyday wear wardrobe malfunction wardrobe wardrobe wardrobe your face face throw water wash your face in the morning and then apply your makeup. Taking care of your face takes time, dedication, and effort. If you want to have flawless skin you will need to stick to a routine. You also need a few ingredients that can give you the most successful results. You're in luck because this article will list the main ingredients and give you tips to getting healthy, flawless skin. All that's left is you. see a difference in your skin. important for your body. Your body tends to build up toxins in your system over time by various things for various reasons. When you drink water, it removes and cleanses those toxins from your body. It's kind of like giving the inside of your body a bath. If the outside of your body gets bathe regularly, then the inside of your body deserves the same treatment. When you are regularly drinking a recommended amount of water daily, then you are removing the toxins from your body, which means you are reducing the amount of oil in your face that creates those nasty bumps. to clear those toxins from your body. While drinking the recommended amount of water daily, another important ingredient for healthy flawless skin is vitamins. Value of Vitamins Add vitamins to your daily routine. May people in the world are deficient in one vitamin or another. Vitamins do tons of wonders for us and our bodies. Vitamins help grow and repair our bodies in so many ways we do not see or recognize. Taking vitamins helps you try to maintain a healthy balance in your body, because you are getting the healthy supplements you need. You will see your skin begin to show a natural glow. A glow that no bronzer or make up can give you. If you continued on a daily vitamin regimen, you should begin to see your skin brighten in its own natural way. Day & Night Wash The next step to a "clean and clear" face is to wash your face daily morning and night. Washing your face helps to remove dirt and dead skin cells that is on your face. When you don't wash your face, the dirt and dead skin cells build upon your face clogging your pores, in which they cannot breathe, resulting into an unhappy pimpled face. Your pores need to breathe just as you do. Remember, you can not be lazy on this step. Most people begin the routine of washing their face daily, morning and night, but then they slowly discontinue the process and ask themselves a few days later, "Why isn't my skin clear?" It's not clear because you stopped your regimen! If you are saying to yourself right now, "Ugh, I don't have enough time." or "It is too much effort.", then you will not see the best results. The Best Cleanser wash your face morning and night with a face cleanser. best type of face cleanser that is for you. A face cleanser may work for your friend but not for you, because everyone's face is different. Do some thorough research for the skin type you have and the types of face cleansers you could use. Once you have found some face cleansers, it's time to begin to try them out to see if it will help you. It is understandable that you are in a hurry to achieve a flawless look but don't use the cleanser for two days and then toss it away because you assume it doesn't work for you. You should continuously use the cleanser for a minimum of 4 weeks, to determine if you see some improvement or not. Make sure that you are washing your face morning and night or washing your face as the directions on the cleanser tells you to. Be diligent and you will be happy with your results. Moisturize, Moisturize, & Moisturize Moisturizing your face is another important step to achieving flawless skin. Moisturizing your face helps to keep your skin from drying up and also keeps your skin nice and soft.  It is best to moisturize your face with something that is oil free and fragrant free. Again do thorough research on the type of moisturizer you should purchase for your skin type. You are what you think, you are what you do, and you are what you eat. To obtain flawless skin you have to watch what you eat. Eating a lot of oily and greasy foods can lead to an increase of breakouts on your face. Begin to eat healthier one day at a time to improve your diet. A healthy diet produces healthy skin, and healthy skin dramatically increases your chances of having flawless skin. We're all hoping for it to come soon.  The warm weather, shining sun and the cool breeze. It's such a great time of the year. With the seasons changing, our wardrobes change along with it. We begin to wear lighter clothing, flowy dresses and skirts. This year when making the transition, make it chic, savy, and playful. Tips for Dresses & Skirts Think of spring as a playful and happy type of season. Imagine how you can incorporate it into dresses and skirts. Your dresses and skirts should be feminine and playful. Be sure to wear your dresses and skirts in a manner that represents you best. You don't want to wear anything that gives the wrong impression of who you are. You are a divine being, let others treat you with respect by observing what you wear. Tips for Shirts Bright colors and pastels are in! Wear bright colored shirts that have a soft tone. The best colors to wear are pastel colors. These colors are bright but still have a soft tone to them. A good combination to use would be to wear bright colored shirts as the main base to your outfit, then add a little bit of darker colors to your outfit here and there. For example wearing a blue pastel shirt with some dark brown jewelry, or yellow pastel shirt with a dark green tank top underneath that shows a little bit of the color. Wearing blouses in the springtime is also a plus; it gives you that playful feel which works well in the spring. Make sure to mix the colors, picking shades that work well together, other wise it could lead to a big wardrobe disaster. Tips for Wearing Sandals Another great plus during the warmer weather is the ability to wear sandals. Bright colors on toenails do not quite fit in with the spring season. So save those bright color nail polish for the summer time. During the springtime wear neutral deep colors that will give a nice finish. For example nice plum color or forest green or deep blue will work. Colors like these will give a good balance to the rest of your spring outfit. Knowing Your Seasons When looking in the closet to select your wardrobe, ask yourself, "Does this work for the feel of spring?" Get into the habit of knowing what will work and what does not work for different seasons of the year. Every season you can look fantastic and chic! Start now to get in the rhythm of knowing what to wear each season. declare your summer independence from blow dryers, straighteners, and curling irons today. It's difficult to maintain heat-it-to-achieve-it styles in the summer. The sun is scorching hot and washing your hair becomes more frequent. Thermal styling tools can give you an instant look, but constant heat styling can thin and damage natural, color- and chemically-treated hair.  Let your hair cool off by trying alternative no- to- low heat methods for volume, texture, or sleekness. .Flip your hair upside down using a paddle brush, smoothing the back of your hair from the nape to the front (Optional: For extra hold, lightly spritz your hair with alcohol-free hairspray) When you use your heat styling tools less, your strands get a chance to breathe. Challenge yourself to give up heat for two weeks and evaluate your hair.  If it hasn't been severely damaged by heat, you may notice that your hair looks and feels healthier and stronger. Each low-to-no heat method requires less stress on your hair and an overall healthy approach to your styling routine. Spend the rest of summer working on your tan, and not your hair. Eliminate Puffy Eyes Before you wash your face in the mornings, use a cue tip to lightly dab a very small amount of aloe vera gel (revered for its healing, anti-inflammatory, and cooling properties) over your eyes. Leave the gel on your eyes for five to ten minutes and then wash your face with your regular cleanser. You will you feel instantly refreshed and your eyes will look brighter and more youthful. The late-night puffiness around your eyes will begin to disappear. Good morning, Sunshine! Banish Rough Skin To remedy dry and cracked skin, formulate your own brown sugar scrub body treatment. The natural glycolic acid found in sugar works to gently slough off dead skin cells to reveal brighter skin. massage your sugar scrub to dampened skin. To lock in moisture, towel-pat dry and apply your lotion while your skin is slightly damp. Save your skin from damaging sun rays with a generous amount of sunscreen. Nothing can wreak havoc on your skin like sun damage. a sunscreen with SPF 15 may allow you to stay in the sun for 150 minutes without getting burned. However, even if you use sunscreen, try to chill in the shade for most of the day and feel fabulous in a big floppy hat for maximum skin protection. Your hair may be fighting the common hair cold right now- dryness, breakage, and dullness- due to the harsh weather. balance of protein and moisture in your hair. When the moisture and protein levels in your hair are in sync, you will notice less breakage, length retention, and an overall increase in the health of your hair. If your hair is hard, rough, or brittle you may need a deep conditioning treatment. This will help you restore softness to your hair and smooth your cuticle, the outermost layer of your hair strand.  When applying a deep conditioning treatment, try to use a conditioner that is water-based and contains at least one humectant.  Any product that lists humectants- propylene glycol, honey, glycerin- and water at the top of their ingredient list will work best to help your hair stay soft and moisturized. No More Weather Hair Worries When rain arrives unexpectedly, you aren't running to find shelter or making a make-shift umbrella out of a newspaper or your purse. You can play in the rain without worrying about you kinky hair getting ruined. Even in humidity, you can tie your hair back and let the humidity amplify your curls and get unbelievable volume. Curly girls who don't enjoy frizz or undefined curls can still leave the house and venture into high-humidity weather. Just be sure to apply a silicone-free styling serum on dry hair to keep your curls in sync. Your Facial Features Pop Some women with more traditional African features -full lips, broad nose, and high cheekbones- can appear more youthful with curly hair than straight hair. Flat hair can make these facial features seem larger than they actually are, and hide its true beauty. Shorter, tightly curled hair seems to defy gravity when worn out in an Afro style. It "lifts" the face and draws more attention to the eyes and cheekbones. You Become Healthier many times have you heard, "I know I need to go to the gym, but I don't want to mess up my hair"? When you wear your hair curly, you don't have to make the choice of having either a great head of hair or a great body. Let's be honest, your hair needs more than the perfect shampoo and conditioner. To give you hair optimum health, you have to eat right and exercise. When you have naturally curly hair, you no longer worry about your hair "reverting" when you sweat from a work-out. To freshen your curls after the gym, you can water-rinse or cleanse you hair with a sulfate-free shampoo. You Can Experiment with Color When you let your natural tresses roam free and treat it with care, you can experiment with more color without worrying about double-processing your hair with chemicals or daily doses of heat. If you apply heat on a daily basis or wear a relaxer, adding another hair-altering chemical like color to the mix can be a recipe for dryness and breakage. Even with chemical-free hair, color can still be damaging.  Look for alternative and gentler coloring options like Henna or semi-permanent glosses. Maintain a healthier head of hair with color by putting the relaxer away, and treating your hair with nourishing products formulated for color-treated hair.Running to the salon every few weeks to tame those "unruly roots" is no longer your concern. Salon chemical and hair straightening services can cost upwards of fifty dollars per visit. Now that you've embraced the beauty of your bouncy ringlets, your wallet is packed with extra cash. Indulge your hair with at-home nourishing treatments using deep conditioners and essential oils. The next time you see a woman with an eye-catching hair style or lustrous curls, give her a compliment. Whether you have a spouse to give you roses or not, give yourself a love letter this month that highlights every feature you love to play up, make your hair one of your favorite features. Whether your hair is short or long, curly or straight, it is beautiful and deserves to feel loved. The New Year is your time to shine. Your hair should be no exception. If you need more products just to fake a healthy appearance from split ends, dullness, or limp hair, January may be the perfect time to start over.  A healthy hair goal can be achieved if you start with the right plan.  Trim Your Ends Get rid of split, frayed, and heat-damaged ends with a professional trim. Your hair cannot look its best when damaged ends are getting all of the attention.  A trim can be anywhere from one-fourth of an inch to two inches, depending on the amount of damage. If you are apprehensive about getting a trim, you can do minimal shaping each month. However, eventually all the damaged ends will need to be cut off. Once damaged ends are removed, your hair will instantly look fuller, smoother, and healthier. Categorize your products (shampoos, conditioners, styling crème, etc.) and select one from each that works the best for your hair. The products that you do not select can be given away to friends, thrown out, or saved for the summer time. With a simple selection of tried and true products, your hair can be pampered and nourished with the correct products that work best on your hair. Commit to a Hair Care Schedule Consistently bathe your hair in deep conditioning, hot oil, and protein treatments. Your hair type and needs will determine how often you should do each treatment. There should be a healthy balance of protein and moisture to promote softer and stronger strands. Have a trusted stylist evaluate your hair. He or she will be able to help you commit to a healthy hair care schedule and help decide what healthy hair practices would work best for you.Handle Hair with Care Now that you are fully invested into your customized healthy hair journey, be gentle to your strands. Avoid styles that pull at the scalp and edges of your hair. The corners of your eyes should not meet at your scalp line. Instead, style your hair into loose, chic ponytails and buns. Keep hair manipulation low, only using proper combs and brushes sparingly and gently to detangle and style hair. Always moisturize and protect the ends of your hair to minimize split ends.  Treat your hair with care, and it will flourish throughout the New Year. Curly hair has been called many names: beautiful, unique, unkempt, trendy, unprofessional, rebellious, romantic, lustrous, and the list goes on. Within the past five years, major hair companies have realized that curly hair is also very "marketable". When you listen to your hair and notice what it likes, your curly hair can become synonymous with another word - healthy.You are mingling at a party and in walks a bombshell in a fitted jacket, the best pair of skinny jeans you have seen, a head full of luscious curls, and a confident laugh that fills the room.  You immediately envy the stillettoed goddess.  improve your look and overall confidence.  With minor changes and implementing the following "secrets" you will have the tools to always feel confident and look and your best. Wear Your Favorite Outfit When you like what you are wearing your confidence level rises.  However, there are a few fashion tips you want to keep in mind.  Tailored waistlines on dresses or jackets create slimming effects and pencil skirts hide upper leg blemishes and highlight calves.  Black is always slimming but spice it up with red accents (scarf, shoes, jewelry).  Highlight your best feature to feel extra sexy. Hair Is Important Many women overlook the importance of a well coiffed do.  This year, to the benefit of all women, volume and curls are in.  Try using hot rollers because they are easy to use, quick, and will not damage your hair.  They create a loose curl that softens any look.  Leave your hair down.  If this drives you crazy, use a decorative clip to sweep up a side.  If you don't have rollers, use a curling iron to add volume and curls to your tresses. The Arsenal Of Beauty Secrets These are wonderful beauty weapons used by many Hollywood stars. Most women are so good at these "tricks" that the result appears to be natural. Non Make-up Wearers You are blessed to have a fresh clean look naturally.  For a special event, it is nice to wear a minimal amount of make-up for a more formal look.  If you don't wear make-up, mascara and lip-gloss will enhance your look.  Fake Eyelashes Fake eyelashes are a great way to widen the eye and create a come-hither look.  The packs with sections or individual lashes rather than the full strip are easier to apply and look more natural.  Apply them to the outer corner of your eye following the natural lash line.  It will add a little length and enhance the look of the eye. Curly hair is a commitment, a long-term relationship. It is more prone to splitting up, as in split ends. It is constantly changing its mood, one day it's a poof, then it's a tangled nightmare. Style & Class Let's face it baggy jeans, baggy t-shirts, and over-sized flannels are not stylish. Anything that may fall into that category needs to be removed from your closet now! Also remove anything that is too tight. Clothes that are too tight are never in style however, don't confuse fitted with too tight. Confidence is Fashion There is nothing more sexy to a man than a woman that walks into the room with confidence. Make sure that whatever it is your wearing you feel great in it. Whether you are running errands or going out you should always feel confident in what you are wearing. The 4 Must-Haves A fitted jacket is essential this fall. Whether you are wearing it with your dress slacks to work or with your trendy worn jeans, a fitted jacket is a must have! Fitted Jacket For the tall and slim- Military jacket For the athletic build- tattered Levi jacket For the curvy- lightweight trench Tall Boots Tall boots make heads turn. You will want to splurge on this buy and ensure that you are getting good quality. They are great for the office or for a night out on the town. For the office put on a pair of tights with a skirt and for the night out leave the tights at home. The Perfect Pair of Jeans Every woman should have a pair of jeans that shape her figure, gives her comfort and builds her confidence. For this fall go for a fitted boot cut with embellishment on the back pockets or for the tall and slim woman go with the skinny jean and tuck them in your tall boots. Large Leather Hobo Handbag With the chill in the air a large hobo is needed. It will carry all your normal hand bag items like your wallet, phone, water bottle, ect. You can put a scarf and gloves in there too. To keep it stylish go with something that has a rock star edge to it. Just remember to control the amount of rock star. Shop around for the perfect hobo for you. Remember that every woman has a unique body shape. Take the fashion forecast and make it your own. Put your own unique spin on everything that you wear and remember to just be you! Fall is a great season to try out new colors. Now that we know the models wearing the colors are not perfect, hopefully we will feel a bit more adventurous with fall trends! You are just as beautiful as these models, so embrace your uniqueness, and remember they make you who you are. You are beautiful and unique. Every laugh line that is etched on your face should be treasured, every wrinkle, and every scar should be worn with proud. All those things have made you who you are today, and with that, you should be proud. Eyeshadow, Blush, & Lipstick This season, we are seeing lots of purples and grays on lids.  These eye shadows have a ton of varying shades, so there is definitely one that is guaranteed to look fabulous on you.  Maybe even more than one!  These shades work with all eye colors, so do not be afraid to experiment.  With all the focus on eyes and lips, you can take it easy on the blush. Shoes shoes shoes fabulous shoes Shades of roses and mochas will match these shadows fabulously, and keep you looking fall fresh. For lips, try shades of berries and reds. mascara and lip-glosses.  Used mascara's can be very irritating to the delicate eye area, and lip-glosses can harbor unwanted bacteria.  Lipsticks can be cleaned with a quick swipe of alcohol.  Clean all eye shadows, swiping a tissue with alcohol over the shadow or the cream shadow.  Also be careful.
Yes, I Am Esteemed

Embrace the Joy in Your Life

Waiting to Exhale

Finally Flowering

Find Your Voice This New Year

Your Beauty Radiates From Within

Find Your Wonder Woman Within

The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

Finding Yourself When You're Lost

Desperate Times

Choose Your Theme Song

Memory Maker

Self-Awareness: Enlightened

Living in Positive Power

Spreading Positivity

Know Yourself  Articles
Yes, I Am Esteemed
By: Laura-Lee Smith

        You may or may not have seen the "Am I pretty" videos on youtube. We have moved far beyond the innocent, 'do you like me?' check yes or no' notes from grade school. Young people literally have the world at their fingertips now and what they're doing with their power is alarming, especially the girls.  These youtube videos have girls, some looking as young as twelve sitting in front of a camera asking the world what we think of their physical appearance, sometimes after listing things they are unhappy about or other kids have teased them about. If you are a mother to a young girl you are probably about to stop reading and start scouring youtube hoping not to see a familiar face. Before you do, please listen. This is for you too.
        There are many reasons to seek self esteem. How we perceive ourselves makes a difference in how we react to and engage with the world. Many people get high self-esteem mixed up with narcissism; some consider contentment a reason not to pursue healthy self-esteem. However, neither of these is true. Loving yourself does not make you self-centered and contentment is not the same as having a solid positive grasp of what you are worth. 
        The largest bulk of self esteem is internal. It is the voice that tells us 'we are loved, wanted, worthy, valued, and special' instead of 'unloved, unwanted, and not special'. It is the feeling of not only loving and utilizing your good traits, but accepting the flaws that are unable to be changed and working to change the flaws you can, not for others, but for yourself. This is the most important part, accepting that building self-esteem is for you and you alone.
            It can get more complicated than this, of course. Some of us have been taught that we don't deserve the most we can get out of life; don't deserve to feel good about ourselves. If this is the case, know that it is okay to seek outside help. Talk to a self-esteem coach, a counselor, a therapist, or your religious council. The road to healthy self-esteem is full of dips and curves, hurdles, and even mountains that look too high to climb.  But what is on the other side is worth the trouble, just as most everything in life that is difficult is worth it in the end. Remember that having low self esteem can prevent us from achieving the goals that can make a real mark in this world, big or small. 
            Wanting to make that mark for yourself, your daughters, nieces, or for other young women who are strangers is perhaps the noblest reason for seeking self-esteem. For many women especially the very young ones, self-esteem and self worth are unilateral. It is wrapped up in their physical appearance and by extension, how others perceive them based on their physical appearance. So it is important to not only understand what it truly means to have self-esteem, but to have it yourself. You cannot teach something you do not know and you cannot expect others to listen if you do not practice what you preach.
           Perhaps the biggest hallmark of healthy self-esteem is being able to say I am beautiful without having to have others validate you. It's about being able to validate yourself!  While self-esteem is for you and you alone, having healthy self-esteem that shows is kind of like paying it forward, letting your light shine. When that light shines, others are drawn to it. They see it and feel it and if you are a mother it is perhaps one of the greatest gifts beyond life that you can give your child. So that one day when she asks herself, "Am I beautiful?" before turning to others, she can smile to herself and answer with a resounding YES!

First published  May 2012 © Copyright



Embrace the Joy in Your Life
From: Following the Spiritual Soul series
By: Paula M. Ezop

     Joy is that wonderful feeling of extreme happiness that seems to come and go as we journey through life.  Joyful memories that we cherish and hold close to our hearts hoping never to forget them. It gives us an exhilaration that fills our entire body from head to toe.  Think of how you felt when you were joyful. Doesn't it bring a smile to your face and perhaps even a tear to your eye? Joy is a wonderful feeling!
 
     Such extreme joy can be felt in the milestones of life, when we find our true love, when we marry, when we give birth, when life is good and we are and have everything that we ever dreamed about.

     Yet, we can and do find joy in the simple things in life, holding the hand of a small child, making our elderly grandparent smile and laugh, even having a friend reach out to us in a time of need gives us a sense of heartfelt joy.

     We also share in the joy of others. Joy has many faces and many emotional responses such as "tears of joy" that stream down our faces when someone accomplishes the so called "impossible" thing.  We feel joy when the disabled athlete that despite his disability, wins the game or the mentally challenged child succeeds beyond all expectations, or the senior citizen who at the age of 90 gets their college degree. It might be the single mother who despite all odds succeeds at starting a small business.  We share in their joy of success and accomplishment, and it touches our spirit, our soul, and our very being.

     We can find joy all around us if we open our eyes, open our hearts, and allow the joy of the miracles and beauty of life in. Faith and hope in life itself is what drives this sense of joy that we can feel each and every day. We just have to learn to look at life itself in a more "joyful" manner. Sometimes we just need to seek out the joy in our lives.

     Instead of seeing the faults in a person or circumstance, learn to look for the positives, learn to look for something to be joyful about. You see, joy is something that we can have no matter what if we choose to see the positive. Maybe you had a terrible day, and nothing went right. Maybe you are worried about losing your job.  Maybe you are concerned about your finances or maybe you are worried about your health. Try to find something that will bring you a sense of joy, even if it is for a brief moment. It could be the gorgeous sun rise or the giggles of a group of children walking down the sidewalk.

      Find something, anything that will make you smile, and in that moment things aren't so bad. You haven't lost your job, and if you did maybe you'll find a better one. That brief moment of joy might make you realize that all you need to do is get your finances under control and begin living by a budget. Take charge of your health and find hope in knowing that things will get better. You will learn that a sense of joy in the common everyday things that we take for granted will go a long way in turning your life around. 

     Learn to choose joy over doubt and fear. Open your heart and mind to the possibilities. If we choose to be joyful over life itself then it won't be such a struggle. No doubt life happens, we have our ups and downs but finding small moments of joy throughout your day will give you not only joy but confidence that you can and will overcome anything that life throws at you. Hope will overcome fear, and it will be fueled by those joyful moments that you have chosen to hold close to your heart. 

     Start and end your day looking for something that will give you that feeling of joy, that feeling of a new beginning - a child's hug, dew on a flower, the quiet of the morning hours, a gentle breeze, or the movement of the trees in the wind. Joy is all around you waiting for you to find it, embrace it, and live it.

First published  April 2012 © Copyright




Waiting to Exhale
By: Jeanine DeHoney

     Who didn't love the incomparable and beautiful singer/actress Whitney Houston? Her voice was a God given instrument but like many of us, though our crutches may be different, she often lived a life of excess that unfortunately may have encircled her spirit until her death. I can't count how many times I watched her in my favorite movie, "Waiting to Exhale," and mirrored that breath she took, eyes closed, diaphragm pulled in and then slowly she exhaled.

    How many of us have also held our breath in before we exhaled, eagerly awaiting for something in our life that would rejuvenate us, give us peace, or enough strength to rise each morning and face our day's challenges?

    Too often though it is difficult for us to exhale, take those deep rhythmic breaths, with the excesses in our life. Our excess can be a surplus of negative emotions, people or our soul's depleting of joy, which stops us from being buoyant. It can be an unhealthy relationship with a significant other, unsupportive friends, a dead end job that doesn't allow us to reach our potential and use our talents, hurts we have held onto from our childhood, or even an addiction. These things can weigh so heavily on us they become a part of our consciousness and we forget how to exhale and partake of our true harvest.

    So if you're ready to exhale, here are some tips to get you started. If you are faithful in following them, with eyes closed, diaphragm pulled in slowly you will breathe effortlessly again. 

Today choose to cut out the excess of noise in your life and embrace solitude in order to exhale.
Sometimes we aren't aware of how much noise fills our day. Other people's conversations while we're commuting to work, the radio or television always being on, our phones going off with yet another message, and so much more. Too much noise can be an excess especially when we can't turn it off in our head to get a good night's sleep or we are uncomfortable in the presence of quiet. Solitude is therapeutic for a stressed soul, both emotionally and physically. Solitude will help you collect your thoughts and help answers to difficult questions find their way to you.

Today choose to cut out the excess of "What if's," from your life and embrace appreciation of self in order to exhale.
Living your life with a heavy suitcase of "what if's" is self depreciating. It stops you from staying in the moment, appreciating and embracing the totality of who you are and the many gifts and significant things you are doing right now. Try starting each morning with five affirming "I am" statements instead of yearning over what could have been.

Today choose to cut out the excess of guilt in your life and embrace your humanness in order to exhale.

Refuse to hold yourself captive by emotionally berating yourself for past missteps. Missteps are just reminders that we are human and lessons that mature us if we are open to being a pupil. So wipe your guilt slate clean knowing that you don't have to live a life accountable to them anymore. You can set yourself free and start anew.

Today choose to cut out the excess of negative people in your life and embrace encouraging people in order to exhale.
In this world full of stressors, we need to have our spirits clothed in positivity. Negativity begets negativity and if you want your journey to be a sweeter one you have to hold your inner circle to higher standards or remove them from your life. You want people in your life who are authentic; who love you unconditionally, respect you and support your vision.

Today choose to cut out the excess of materialistic things in your life and embrace more substantial things in order to exhale.

Having the latest, newest or most expensive doesn't guarantee that you will have a better life. Although it may give your image a much needed boost, however, it is only temporary, especially if you are trying to fill an emotional void in your life. Today is the day to clean out your closet and give your over excess of stuff to a Goodwill organization or shelter. Today is the day to put away those credit cards and shopaholic tendencies and recapture the joy in partaking of the simple, ordinary things in life that won't put a dent in your bank account but will anchor your soul.

    Remember, disuniting from the excesses in your life won't be an easy feat but it is so important and necessary if we want to exhale frequently and have a richer more meaningful life. 

First published  March 2012 © Copyright
 


Finally Flowering
By: Laura-Lee Smith

As you may sprint towards resolutions like quitting bad habits, living a healthier lifestyle, being a better daughter, sister, friend, or wife, you may realize that you are running so fast that all those resolutions get passed by, so is the journey of life fleeting. Each moment in life quickly turns into a memory. Take a deep breath and slow down. Don't be in such a hurry to get to where you want to be that you forget yourself along the way. Striving for a better you can only lead to great things, however, instead of sprinting, walk with the determination to blossom completely.

We are like flowers. Each flower takes a while to bloom, and so do we. To truly blossom you need to think of life as a marathon and not a race. It takes time to change, to blossom. Flowers need fertile soil, water, sunlight, care, and most importantly time before they bloom. All of these components contribute to the growth of a flower before a beautiful end product is achieved. Laying down the groundwork will set us up for great things later.

Soil
All plants need fertile soil and different plants blossom in different places. So what does that mean for you?  A safe, secure environment for you to grow is important. The environment in which growth takes place is unique to each one of us. To begin blossoming and becoming a better version of yourself you need to weed as much toxicity out of your life as possible. You can't get better or feel better within toxic relationships holding you down, or friends who want to keep you from achieving a healthier lifestyle because they don't want to be left behind. It may seem harsh, but you will never find yourself where you want to be if you let others prevent you from growing. Fertile soil also includes surrounding yourself with people who will support your growth and consuming food that will produce a healthier you.       

Water
Water not only provides numerous health benefits but it is also renewing from the inside out. Consider water as the spiritual and intellectual components. Healthy spiritual mantras and a relationship with God that inspires striving towards a beautiful life, and knowledge helps us grow. In order to blossom, you not only need to nourish yourself, but you need to "wash away" the past and start fresh. Wash away the negative thoughts, the self-deprecating inner-dialogue and start clean and fresh every new day.

Sunlight
We think of plants as immobile objects, but they are moving upwards towards the sunlight. Even a flower in full bloom turns to find the light. You need to be the same way. Get outside and get moving! It's difficult to do, especially during the winter months and particularly if you aren't used to it. Even small steps like bundling up and taking a walk around your neighborhood is helpful in your goals towards blossoming. You'll be surprised how great you feel once you get into it and when you feel good only more good things can follow.

Time
This is the most important component to remember. Flowers take awhile to blossom and there are no shortcuts. Keeping this in mind, you must learn how to be patient in all things, especially the best things.

Care
This is a combination of all the components. Sometimes you may be hard on yourself and it's difficult to break the cycle of negativity. However, negativity breeds more negativity. Give yourself a break! Cherish and love yourself. Give yourself the care one would give to an orchid. These components are hard to cultivate, but in the end it is so worth it.  You are worth it. And besides, have you ever seen anyone miserable around a flower?

First published February 2012 © Copyright



Find Your Voice This New Year
By: Deanne Brown

Each and every one of us is a creator, whether you are a writer, architect, programmer, hair stylist, chef, musician, or mother, you have something new and original to bring to this world. It does not matter if your medium is paint, food, words, a guitar, hair, or your home. How you use your medium and bring your creation to life is what matters. This is called your voice. Your voice is the way you express yourself; your personality, tone, manner, pitch, style, passion and attitude. It is what makes you unique, different, one of a kind, and stand out from the crowd. It is what makes you, you!

Every one has a voice.  Some of us just haven't found it yet. But once you do, the world is your oyster. Amazing things will happen. You will be on your way to greatness and there will be no stopping you. As Stephen Covey says, "One word expresses the pathway to greatness: voice.  Those on this path find their voice and inspire others to find theirs. The rest never do."

In this New Year, it is time for you to put yourself on the path to find your voice!  How?  Stand up straight, loosen those limbs, take a deep breath from way down deep in your most inner depths of your diaphragm and follow these 10 suggestions:

1. Get excited!  Find your enthusiasm about something. Discover your calling. We all have a calling. It is why you were born.  As Oprah urges, "We're all called….The real work of your life is to figure out your function-your part in the whole-as soon as possible, and then get about the business of fulfilling it as only you can." Get to work girl!

2. Imagine!  Imagination is the key to creativity. Creativity is at the heart of originality.  Originality is within your voice. Use your imagination to bring forth original ideas; something new to this world, whether a painting, a recipe, a song, a blog or a video game.  Henry David Thoreau writes, "The world is but a canvas to the imagination." 

3. Be sincere! Follow your truth and steer clear of dishonesty, hypocrisy and artificiality.  You must be able to see through the nonsense and be honest with yourself and others to find your voice. As John Grisham says, "In life, finding a voice is speaking and living the truth."

4. Do not be afraid! Show people what you are made of even if it requires exposing your deepest self, including your pains, fears, and doubts.  There is knowledge in your pain, fear and doubt.  As Khalil Bibran understands, "Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding."

5. Shout out! Go ahead. Take that muzzle off and open your gorgeous mouth girl, even if you have to scream out at the top of your lungs to be heard. As Madeline Albright says, "It took me quite a long time to develop a voice, and now that I have it, I am not going to be silent." 

6. Express yourself!  Don't be a wallflower. Let go. Run with the wolves. Wear that funky shirt and crazy skirt. Live life to the fullest. Author Melodie Beattie knows what it means to live fully. She says, "Quit hanging on to the handrails . . . Let go. Surrender. Go for the ride of your life.

7. Experiment! Be daring. Sing that song at "open mic" or submit that poem you wrote.    Don't be afraid to fail or mess up once in a while. You learn through trial and error.  American author Alvin Toffler believes, "It is better to err on the side of daring than the side of caution."

8. Practice! Practice! Practice! 10,000 hours seem to be the going rate for greatness according to Malcolm Gladwell in his book, Outliers. If you are a writer, write. If you are a painter, paint. If you are a chef, cook. If you are a web designer, program. If you are an architect, design. If you are a parent, parent. Practice makes perfect.

9. Get Feedback! Reach out, chat, bounce ideas off of someone else, and listen to other viewpoints. We learn about ourselves through others. From famous composer, Peter Maxwell Davies, "If you don't get feedback from your performers and your audience, you're going to be working in a vacuum." Nothing is gained working in a vacuum.

10. And last but not least….Be you! Be authentic, genuine, and real. Do not let others define you. It takes a lot of courage to march to the beat of your own drum. As Ralph Ellison says, "I am nobody but myself."

First published January 2012 © Copyright



As we begin a new year, we reflect on our lives of yesterday, today and what we want to achieve in the future. Through your eyes you can see a reflection of who you are. I hope that when you reflect on yourself, your life, your world and your being, you see a woman who is full of faith, compassion, strength, courage, love, service, joy, zeal, and life. I hope you see a woman who is full of esteem. For all of these attributes are yours to claim as your beauty, and if you begin to claim your beauty you will see it encircle your world. It will allow your soul to shine through and make you the more lovely with each passing day.

As you claim your beauty, you will come to realize that God has bestowed upon you an eternal gift that is irreplaceable and greater than any gift on earth. Your beauty is a light that shines deep. It was bestowed upon you before your birth, placed within your soul. As a divine woman with such an amazing gift, you are in charge of how you cultivate and nourish your beauty and allow it to shine so that the world may see. You have the power to be as beautiful as you want to be and that power is one that you exercise every day through your thoughts, words, and deeds. Your beauty will be your underlining strength, your sustaining courage, and your blooming esteem.

As you continue to accomplish your daily tasks, work towards your goals and dreams, and successfully walk through the trials in your life.  You will see that the beauty you have within will bring you joy beyond your imagination. It will light your world and constantly reward and bless you. Your beauty will allow you to fulfill your desire to live in esteem and confidence.  It will stimulate your desire to grow, serve, succeed, and more importantly, your desire to love and be loved.

From this day onward, begin to recognize your divine beauty. Be who you are meant to be and not who you think you are. You are a divine being, and only when you embrace your true role will you be able to reach your full potential, and claim all the beauty and blessings that God has in store for you. Be divine, cherish yourself and all that you have to offer. Be willing to grow, learn, and build yourself and others in love. Your beauty  should never be questioned, never be dismissed, never be misplaced or unvalued. You must defend yourself, defend what's righteous and pure. Defend your dreams, wishes, vision, happiness, uniqueness, and beauty. As you claim your beauty, you will sustain yourself.

Your beauty radiates within and wherever you go no matter what you do. Allow your beauty to refurbish your world by seeking not after what makes you beautiful to the world but to God. When you seek beauty, look towards God not towards fancy clothes, makeup or material objects, for your beauty is already present.  Delight in it and it will shine from within and radiate outwards touching those around you. 

Prayer:
God let my inward beauty radiate outwards.
God make me beautiful and let my gratefulness brighten my world.
God make me beautiful continuously and let my joy touch the souls of others.
God let my inward beautiful, blossom my thoughts, my deeds, and world always.

May your year be filled with Blessings, Happiness, Love and Esteem.

Chizoma Cluff
Editor-In-Chief
Esteem Yourself E-magazine

First published January 2012 © Copyright



Find Your Wonder Woman Within (The Yes Mom Way)
By: Deanne Brown

You don't need a lasso of truth, indestructible bracelets, or an invisible airplane to be Wonder Woman. All you need is to learn to say 'yes' to yourself. Saying "yes" to yourself not only gives you the means to feel fully alive, your world will open up to amazing possibilities. As you say "yes" you may find yourself at the top of Mt. Kilimanjaro, directing a play, raising money for a cancer cure or sitting at a desk writing that novel you always wanted to write. No matter what adventure you embrace, you will become an inspiration, a woman that others admire and want to emulate. You will become a hero!

The great thing is you already have what it takes to be a hero. We all do!  You may not be a six foot tall Amazonian woman with enough muscle power to beat up Ares, Wonder Woman's arch-nemesis, but you definitely have the wherewithal to embody what Wonder Woman represents, female empowerment. So when you begin to lose focus by letting negativity and fear blind you from your potential, follow these seven principals to help you say "yes" to yourself and find your Wonder Woman within.

Principle 1: Love Yourself and Others Unconditionally
Love with no conditions and no boundaries. Love just because. As Paulo Coelho, Brazilian author explains, "One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving".  When you love yourself unconditionally, it gives you the ability to love others. To love in this manner is the most precious gift you can give to yourself and to the world.

Principle 2: Don't Be Driven By Fear
Do not be a road block to your full potential because of fear. It is amazing how many people automatically say "no" to the world and choose comfort and security over taking risks or trying something new. Like Albert Einstein said, "Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new." Yes, life can be scary, but a life driven by fear is no life. It takes a bold person to let go of fear and say "yes" to the world, but the risk is well worth it.
 
Principle 3: Let Go of Expectations
It is imperative that you let go of expectations. By letting go of expectations, you let go of control. Placing controls on one's self limits your true potential. So, ditch those controlling words like "I should", "I ought to" and "I must". Instead, embrace "I can" and "I will". Living life based on "should" is a heavy burden. You either become ridden with a feeling of failure or guilt because you did not live up to your expectation or create a false-self attempting to live up to your expectation. Either way, it is a no-win situation. Living life based on "I can" is a win-win situation!

Principle 4: Believe in Yourself
You are awesome. Throw away doubt and believe in yourself. Doubt will only hold you back and keep you from the life you are meant to live. As Eleanor Roosevelt so brilliantly said, "Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent." Trust and believe that you are worthy and valuable. Give yourself permission to live, play, explore, dream, imagine, follow your passions and of course, make mistakes. In order to achieve you must believe.

Principle 5: Live by Principles not Rules
Live by principles, not rules. Many rules are biased, arbitrary and not necessary if you live by principals instead.  Principles are basic fundamental beliefs, values and truths. When you live by these truths, good and desirable actions will follow. Like Abraham Lincoln so beautifully expressed, "I never had a policy; I have just tried to do my very best each and every day." These are words to live by.

Principle 6: Roll with the Punches
As Mastin from The Daily Love says, "If you fall down 1000 times, get up 1001 times." Life is full of setbacks but do not dwell, crumble or feel like a victim. It is better to roll with the punches and take a few hits rather than to duck out of the way. You will be stronger and wiser from the experience. This is called resilience. We actually gain resilience over the years by taking punches and dealing with life's problems. So the old adage is true, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger".

Principle 7: Do What You Love
Do what you love. When work becomes pleasure, it is not work at all. As Dr. Wayne Dyer says, "Doing what you love is the cornerstone of having abundance in your life."  It brings joy and a deep sense of purpose and meaning to one's life.  So, if you want to be a drummer in a rock band, travel the world on a bicycle, join the circus, perform open heart surgery or write that New York Times Best Seller, GO FOR IT!It is your choice. Don't find yourself behind a desk when you were meant to be behind a drum kit.

As you embrace these seven principles and learn to say "yes" to yourself, you will be amazed at what happens. When you love unconditionally, you will have the ability to love others. When you love others, you live fully. When you are living fully, you will not be afraid to try new things. If something doesn't work, you will try again. When you let go of "I should" and "I ought to", you embrace "I can" and "I will". You will be able to make your own decisions even if it goes against the crowd. You will follow your dreams and become who you are meant to be, not what someone else wants you to be. Your good example will inspire others and in turn give them permission to go after their own dreams. When you live by these 7 principles, you empower yourself to find the Wonder Woman within you!

First published November 2011 © Copyright



The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy
By: Ansa Edim

Our lives are complicated. We have jobs, homes, family, friends, hopes, and dreams. With so many challenges in life, it is easy to let fear of failing intimidate you from even trying in the first place. Although there are strong-willed people who see failure as a chance to try again, there are some who struggle with failure and see it as a sign to quit. Those who belong to the former group predict success and are therefore successful. There are a few things that can get in the way of success: fear, confidence, the past, and our own predictions of life's outcomes.

Fear
It is said that fear is "false evidence appearing real".  Fear tells us that we can't do something. With fear motivating us, personal success is not an option. It is possible to be afraid of your own success. When fear begins to get in the way of your success, remind yourself that the fear is false. There is nothing to be afraid of and you are a successful, strong woman who deserves everything that you work for.

Confidence
Fear is not the only thing that can get in the way of your success. You may lack the confidence it takes to try in the first place. Confidence is the backbone of a successful life. If you lack the confidence to try in the first place, remember that the worst thing that can happen is that you may need to try again. Trying is half the battle and the first step to success. Take life's challenges by the horns!

The Past
Letting go of the past is difficult. Past failures can mitigate the potential for true success in life, so let them go. Practice forgiving yourself for past failures, and see them as an opportunity to jump back on the horse, not to give up.

Predicting Success
The final step to being successful is predicting success. You have control of your success. If you see success in your future, you will work to prove yourself right. Life's challenges can trip us up only if we let them. Start every morning with the statement, "I can because I say so". Maintain this mantra and repeat it every time you are feeling like a failure. Constantly remind yourself that are in control of your success and your success depends on what you tell yourself and what you believe.

A self-fulfilling prophecy can either bring success or failure. Your mind can do great things in terms of achievement and success. Often, self-fulfilling prophecies are negative. If you tell yourself you can't do something, well then there you go. You will not be successful if you see every challenge as a failure for you even before you try. We need to feel successful and confident because it is with each success that we receive the motivation to reach further goals. As general rule of thumb: predict failure and you are less likely to succeed, so bank on success!

First published October 2011 © Copyright


Finding Yourself When You're Lost
By: Ansa Edim

Relationships and responsibilities can be a heavy load to bear. Work, friends, family, significant others, children, personal time, exercising; there aren't enough hours in the day! When you've gone too long taking care of business without taking care of yourself, it is obvious: you're depressed for little reason, lonely around company, and dissatisfied with who you are. How do you get back to the core of your being without letting anyone (including yourself) down? Answer the following questions:

Who am I?
It's a loaded question. Who are you after you've stripped away your job, your family, your friends, and loved ones? What do you like to do when no one is around? What motivates you? What is your passion? In all the business of life, you could easily have forgotten how much you like to sew or write, or how great it feels to wake up and go for a run. Truly evaluate who you are versus who you want to be. Is there a difference? Do you feel like you're letting yourself down? Remember: it is never too late to be the person you were meant to be.

What do I love about myself?
What you love about yourself should be affirmed as often as possible. When you feel lost in the madness of daily life, you must remember who is most important in your life: you. In order to truly express love outwardly, we must be able to express it to ourselves. Do you love that you are able to accomplish so many things at once? That you are sociable? Always remind yourself that if you are loved by no one, you should always be able to count on yourself. In the darkest times of confusion, you are never alone; you are always loved. When you feel confident in yourself, there is nothing holding you back from achieving your goals.

What makes me feel powerful and strong?
As a woman, it is important to feel strong, even powerful. Whether it is physical strength, emotional fortitude, or executive prowess, think about what makes you feel strong and do it! Can you do 15 pushups? Do you manage a group of people or your home? What gives you strength to feel like you are making a difference in the lives of others as well as your own? Sometimes, we feel weak and depressed because of that weakness. Reaffirm your status as a strong woman on a daily basis. First thing in the morning, say to yourself, "I am strong" and then maintain that mantra throughout the day.

What is important to me?
Although the answer might seem obvious (your family or your career), this question needs some time answering. Take a minute to write it down. Why do you do what you do on a daily basis? Perhaps, it's worth it to work 16 hour days if your career is important to you and you're on a path, or maybe it's worth it to take a year off to start a family. Make sure that you have justified your actions by what is important in your life before anyone else can. Keep it within yourself that there is a reason why you do anything and that reason is because you want to.

How is my life prioritized?
What is important is not always how we prioritize our lives. If our priorities are out of sync with what is truly important, we lose ourselves in the chaos. Sit down with your priorities and think: Is my first priority actually what is most important to me? When your life isprioritized by what is actually important to you, you will be amazed at how your outlook changes. You feel connected to your actions, and no longer tethered to your worries or stress. If you are doing what is truly important to you, you will not be bogged down by it. In essence, you need to love what you do!

How can I find myself when I feel lost?
Look inside you. When you feel disconnected and just going through the motions, think back to who you are, who you want to be, and what is important to you. Reevaluate your priorities,values and goals. Once you do that, all you have to do is face the right direction, put one foot in front of the other, and walk.

First published August 2011 © Copyright


Desperate Times
By: Diana Paino-Fulton

        Desperate times call for desperate measures. When we are at the end of our answers, finances, friends, hope, belief, joy and peace, we will feel as if we are in desperate times. So what do we do with the major situation that is at hand? Some of us may go for a walk in the woods or down our street, take a car ride and see some beautiful sites. While others may prefer to drink, smoke, or settle our thoughts in the office of the psychologist/psychiatrist. Other ways we may deal is to take the medicine to settle our nerves and our worries, complain, yell, or blame the person next to us or within the situation.
        What is the answer in our life's trials and tribulations? What is the response we should have when our dreams have burst open and soured? What should we do when we cannot even agree with our mate, friends or co-workers on the solution? How could this have all happened, and why has all this happened?
        Some answers shared within these times for all who go through them is to believe you will get through this time. Settle your mind on that this will not last forever. Allow yourself to cry, to mourn, to grieve, and to ask the questions; realizing that you may not heal immediately. Instead of dwelling on the situation, find a joyful thing to do. Don't deal with it alone, call a friend that has your best interest at heart or better yet talk about something totally different than the situation. Don't give up and don't give in, for you are going to be able to conquer this desperate time. You will find that the smoke cloud will settle and give way to the clear blue sky. Somehow and someway you will be able to laugh and find joy. Continue to believe that you can make it.
        Denying or ignoring the situation is not the best thing to do, however, avoid staying focused on the problem, instead focus on the solution. As you grieve, cry, mourn and search for the answers in our life, revelation will come, understanding will be at the door of your heart, and peace will encompass you and allow you to feel joy from within again. You will not remain numb, distant, oppressed and downtrodden. Even if you have had your moment of these times, they will not stay. Just like the dark cloud becomes a clear blue sky, so will you rise up from your desperate situation. Your heart will be healed and restored; your belief system will once again take a front seat in your life. You will soar while in the midst of the desperate time, not even realizing you have made it till you stop for a moment and see that you are functioning, moving and living life through these times.
        Within all of the feelings, frustration, hurt, remorse, sadness, shock and anger, it is within the arms of the Lord that you can find refuge. Knowing that the Lord will help you and give you the grace to continue in his love and care as you rest in him. Storms are settled in his arms, as you settle yourself in his arms. You can even go on with a peace as the situation is raging around you.
        Desperate times call for desperate measures. Decision and position is the answer. You must not give up or give in; you must grow through what you go through. You must also grow through these times to newer heights of love and compassion for others, in turn, learning how to help others through their difficult desperate times.
        In your desperate time, may you rest in the tender arms of the Lord, assured that he will get you through whatever obstacle you may encounter. Remember that your storm is no surprise to God. He already has the solution, ready for you.

First published July 2011 © Copyright 


Choose Your Theme Song
By: Jeanine DeHoney

       Most of us have had a favorite song that has been like an anthem in our life at some point. It is a song that we played to nudge us out the door when we don't feel like facing the world. Sometimes it's a song strung with memories, be they celebratory, bittersweet or a mixture of both. These are the songs we blast in the car when we are alone, play incessantly on our I-pods or sing in the shower at the top of our lungs as our tears intermingle with the pulsing water. These are the songs we hum in stolen moments or dance solo to. These are the songs that help us get over loss, empower us to face any challenges, and plants seeds of joy in our heart.
       Do you have a theme song? Do you have a choice song that you play in the morning to inspire or motivate you? If not, let today be the day you choose one so that you can have a rhythmic incentive to move you toward your glorious destiny.  
       So how does one choose a theme song for their life? Try reflecting on who you are as a woman first, and what impacts your hopes, dreams, passions, goals and relationships. Choose a song(s) that has lyrics you can wrap around your spirit as if they are your Grandmother's patchwork quilt. Lyrics that can build your esteem and make you feel loved and accepted for who you are. One song that helps us accept our unique beauty is by India Arie, "I Am Not My Hair." It is one song among others that we should pay heed to its words. "I am not my hair, I am not this skin, I am not your ex-pec-tations, no no, I am not my hair, I am not this skin, I am a soul that lives within."
       Theme songs are supposed to push you. They can also be the catalyst that helps mold you. Don't let an amazing beat or a popular artist you love determine the theme song for your life. If the lyrics are degrading or makes a mockery of your body parts, then that isn't the theme song for you. You should already be on a daily mission of anchoring your self-confidence and viewing yourself as a valuable and enterprising individual, so choose your theme song accordingly. Mary J. Blige's song "Just Fine," is a good song to begin with. Another inspiring song is by Jewel entitled, "Stronger Women". Her lyrics are a great mantra. Some of the lyrics to the song: "I'm gonna love myself. More than anyone else. Believe in me. Even if someone can't see. The stronger woman in me..."
       It's also okay to take poetic license with the lyrics of your theme song. Change a few of the words to individualize the song just for you. Insert your name in the song. Make your theme song your own. Also explore other types of music to find an appropriate theme song. Look to genres such as Gospel, Pop, or Christian Jazz for songs that will inspire you and help you step around those boulders in your life. Songs by gospel artists Mary Mary, Yolanda Adams and Donnie McClurkin will always calm a worried spirit.
       If at all possible, spend time listening to your theme song several times a day. Sometimes we need to hear a message more than once to adopt it in our lives and change our attitude enough to live it. Write down a few of the lyrics from your theme song and place it on your bedroom mirror, your computer desk, on your Blackberry, etc. so that you can always have an inspiring quick pick me up anytime you need it.
       Also, listen to your heart to know when you've outgrown a theme song. Maybe you've gotten over a broken relationship and you no longer need to hear songs that deal with a message about moving on. The good thing is that you're growing. You've learned a lesson, as painful as it might have been, but more importantly you realized you had the tenacity not to let it break you. With each lesson learned, comes a new theme song with a different prospective.
       Songs can definitely be the key of your life. They can help you groove into the truth of who you are as a woman, as they encircle you. Today, choose to let the music play! Turn up the volume to your theme song!
    
First published June 2011 © Copyright 


Memory Maker
From: Following the Spiritual Soul series
By: Paula M. Ezop

     Each day of our lives on earth we are creating memories - memories for ourselves and for those whose lives we touch. We take part in creating memories for the members of our close family circle, for our friends and coworkers, and even for the strangers whose lives we touch in the most casual of ways.  We are memory makers. Have you ever thought of yourself as a memory maker? Take a moment and reflect on that question. It gives you a different perspective on how you interact with people doesn't it?  It makes you aware of the affect you have on others, and how you can make a difference in their lives.
     In one brief moment you can brighten another's life just by a kind word, a smile, a helping hand, or a word of encouragement.
     Your actions are creating a memory… a memory that will be carried with that small child, with your elderly grandparent, with your husband or wife, with your boyfriend or girlfriend, with your sister or brother, with your friend, with your teacher, with your boss, with your co-worker, or with the stranger you frowned at on the way to the bus stop.  Your actions are creating a memory.
     When you look at it this way it changes your attitude. It makes you want to create pleasant memories not only for yourself but for those whose lives you touch. You are a memory maker, what an awesome responsibility!      
     Memories come in all shapes and sizes. We have sparkly, wonderful, memories that bring a smile to our faces and give us a warm feeling in our heart. These special sparkly memories are gifts of the heart that give us strength when we need it.  We hold these wonderful gifts in our heart throughout our life time - never forgetting, and always remembering. When we think of them they remain crystal clear; as if they happened yesterday. They give us that warm feeling in our hearts because it is through these memories that we are making a heart-felt spiritual connection that is everlasting.
     These sparkly memories might be about a person we loved deeply, they might be about a special time in our lives when we were so very happy, they could be memories of a cherished moment between friends, or the day we fulfilled a life-long dream. They might even be something as simple as a sunlit walk along the beach with the love of our life. These memories are gifts of the heart; to be held close and never to be forgotten.
     All memories are not happy as we well know. These memories are of life's challenges and adversities.  We don't take part in creating the sad memories. These sad times enter everyone's life and we learn from them.
     The sad memories may be of loss, humiliation, disappointment, or failure. These memories will also stay with us throughout our lives.  As painful as these memories are they serve a purpose in our lives.  They remind us of soulful lessons learned, and of how we were able to overcome adversity.  Sad memories play a part in our spiritual development. 
     The special sparkly memories will over shadow the darkest of memories, and we should focus on those gifts of the heart because they will always put a smile on our face and bring joy in our hearts.
     Our jobs as memory makers are to create the sparkly, happy memories of the heart whenever and wherever we can.  All it takes is a willing heart, a gentle hug, a warm smile, or a helping hand to create a lasting heartfelt memory in the lives of those whose path you cross.
     Remember you are a memory maker - what a totally awesome job that is!

First published May 2011 © Copyright 


Self-Awareness: Enlightened
By: Laura-Lee Smith

"Knowing others is wisdom, knowing yourself is Enlightenment."  -Chinese Taoist Philosopher Tao Tzu
            Self-awareness may become harder to embrace, as you are bombarded from every direction about what your family thinks your life should be, what the media thinks you should look like, and what they think you should find important.  Here is where Tzu's quote comes in. There is wisdom in accepting the fact that you don't need to please everyone, that you can't, and maybe you shouldn't.  Believing a fashion magazines subliminal messages that you should be a size 2 and should drop a chunk of your paycheck on a product that will make your skin look as flawless as the pictured model's is as dangerous as believing every word you hear on your news channel of choice. That's the wisdom, now be prepared to be enlightened. 
            It's a heavy word - Enlightenment and many of us believe enlightenment means having that light bulb moment where everything suddenly falls into place.  Here's the thing, there is no one light-bulb moment in regards to our own self-awareness.  Our lives are made up of many.  We are constantly discovering new things about ourselves, maybe even coming to terms with and learning to love parts of our personality we may have had issues with.  We are all separate entities, individuals and we were not all meant to look like Halle Berry or be Carrie Bradshaws with a full social calendar….and that's okay.
            It is also okay to make these discoveries at your own pace, given that you have voiced to yourself the things about yourself that you fear.  That's right, while it is important and healthy to remember everyday what makes your life so great, it is also important to acknowledge those dark parts of yourself that you are afraid to look at.  We can find an abundance of outside sources that attribute to our own unhappiness, but we underestimate the barrier we ourselves pose between ourselves and happiness. 
            When things go wrong in our lives or the things we desire don't happen we are quick to blame stress of work, family, partners, but how much do we hold ourselves accountable for the way our lives are turning out?  We oftentimes do not see the self sabotage until we are already standing within the wreckage.  To win a battle you must know your enemy and the best weaponry you can amass against yourself is yourself.   
            Those dark parts are there-the fear of failure, the fear of disappointing others or yourself, the fear that you simply aren't good enough.  Our tendancies to procrastinate have a root cause and they have a way of finding you and affecting the way you live your life.  The subconscious is powerful.  Self-awareness is simply a matter of making your CONSCIOUS mind MORE powerful.  There is power in voicing those things you fear because in voicing them you have taken the first step to conquer them.          
            The steps towards furthering your own self awareness can be as simple as putting pen to paper and letting your thoughts fall to the page without the fear of someone else's judgment.  As simple as being by yourself and taking deep breaths, forming a relationship with your body and learning to understand and listen to it.  Ask yourself questions you'd pose to someone you are just getting to know and answer yourself-honestly.  Remember, there is no one to impress!  Change up your routine and do something you wouldn't normally do!  The road to self-awareness is about forming a real relationship with yourself and like any good relationship you will continue to grow and learn new things about yourself with each new experience.
            In the end Enlightenment is really about knowledge and awareness.  It's not an end result, because everyday life is about learning and becoming better.  When it comes to making your dreams come true and becoming the person you want to be, it helps to know-and love-what you're working with.

First published April 2011 © Copyright 


Living in Positive Power
By: Paula M. Ezop

     There is an amazing power that is within each and every one of us. It is an unseen energy that allows us to connect to the source of all that is, and all that ever will be. It knows no limitations. It allows you to manifest your heart's desire, no matter how great or small the desire is. That power, that unseen energy is your spirit - the divine essence of your being. 
     We were all created to live a wonderful life. A life filled with all the good things:  great relationships, health, wealth, anything good that you can imagine. You are probably saying, "That's all well and good. But, I'm struggling. What about the poverty in our country? I work hard but I can't seem to make ends meet!" Yes, all of those things do exist in our society. Yes, times are tough. But, the good news is that you can change your situation. You can create abundance in all areas of your life because you have the power to do so!  How exciting is that?!
     Your spirit is powerful, but it is only as powerful as you let it be. If you are constantly sending out negative thoughts your spirit will connect with the universal source, and in return you will receive the negative things you have been thinking about. Begin by changing your way of thinking. Change your thoughts from negative to positive. Send out positive energy and you will receive positive energy in return. Instead of thinking of lack - think of abundance. Instead of thinking of a bad relationship - begin thinking of finding your soul mate. Instead of thinking of failure - think only of success! 
     Picture it, feel it, create what you want in your mind, and the miracle will occur!  
     You see, the universe has an unlimited supply of everything and God is the source of all things good and positive. That means that we can all have what we want. But, we have to make that happen, because you attract what you are thinking about. If you continually send out negative thoughts about your relationships, about your finances, about your job that is exactly what you will receive. But, if you begin sending out positive thoughts, you will receive all of the things you desire - success, happiness, wealth, and abundance in all areas of your life! It sounds too easy to be true, but it is true!
     Try being more positive and you will see your life begin to change. You will start taking steps to make everything you desire become a reality. For example, if you are unhappy with your job begin thinking about the type of job you would like. Be specific. Picture what you would be doing, picture where you would be working, and picture what your boss will be like. Maybe you want to be your own boss. Keep thinking about the perfect job, and watch how the universe will deliver. Notice along the way how your attitude changes. Because now you have hope, you can see your future changing. All of this because you began thinking positive thoughts! You began sending out positive energy to the universal source.
      What is amazing is how all of our spirits are connected. There is serendipity to everything. Your spiritual energy connects with the source of all that is and all that ever will be. You are reading this article at just the right time in your life.  Was it by accident?  Or, did the universe deliver just what you needed? Begin to use that spiritual power to change your life in ways that you only dreamed of before!

First published March 2011 © Copyright


Spreading Positivity
By: Ansa Edim

As with each New Year, changes are promised and efforts are made to keep those promises. One thing that may not be thought of as a resolution, is to stop gossiping or talking negatively about others. Spreading negativity about someone else only hurts the person you speak about, as well as yourself. It may also prevent you from dealing with issues within. This year, in an effort to look positively both inward and outward, make resolutions to:

Evaluate how much time you spend putting others down and why.
Think of what you gain from talking badly about others. If you're looking for a catharsis, find it in other ways: exercise, read, or do something that takes your mind off of the issue that's causing you to put someone else down. Talking badly about someone else doesn't help you with your issues, it only exacerbates them. To eliminate your personal issues, focus on yourself internally, not outwardly. Why does putting someone else down make you feel good? If this is the case for you, you should realize that you're better and stronger than that. You don't need others to feel bad for you to feel good. If you do, reevaluate your self-esteem and make sure that you feel confident in yourself without the approval or disapproval of others to drive you. You also need to put others down to build yourself. It doesn't last to try to belittle others to build yourself; you only end up damaging your mindset, and at times friendships.

Speak positively about others.
Going by the saying, "If you have nothing nice to say, do say anything at all", is a good first step, but taking it a bit further is great, too. Try to find something nice to say about everyone, even if it's just to yourself in your head. If you genuinely have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all, but try to dive deeper into the meaning behind your lack of positive comments. Are you jealous of that person? For example, imagine someone walking by on the street and you want to comment negatively on their dress. Before you do, ask yourself why it matters to you what someone else whom you don't know is wearing. There is absolutely no need to comment negatively on how someone else looks. If you have to comment at all, comment on the clothing, not the wearer. Turn your feelings into positive compliments: "That's a nice dress", rather than "That dress is too tight for her and looks horrible on her" is a better exchange for how you feel and puts a more positive spin on your internal dialogue.

Be the change you want to see in those around you.
Help friends and family recognize the time they spend speaking badly of others by speaking up when the conversation turns negative about someone else. Test your friends' and family's ability to keep the bad-talk down for 1 week in the style of "Fat-Talk Free Week". This will bring attention to just how often you want to say something negative about someone. They will be biting their tongue more often and you will be amazed at the effect this exercise will have on them and you. Leading by example is a great way to push yourself with the goal of downplaying gossip in your life. People will take note, and soon you'll be changing the minds of those who surround you, shedding light on negative, and developing a positive mindset.
 
Remember that you are strong and that gossiping is beneath you.
As a strong-willed person, you have the ability to control your thoughts and feelings. It is completely up to you how others make you feel, but remember that it's a two-way street. You have the ability to bring others down, and you should never do so. Instead, always build confidence in others by using your confidence and your positive mindset. Surrounding yourself with positive conversation will help all involved to be strong, confident people.

When you want to just explode about that person who really hurt your feelings or that person on the street that you don't even know, stop. Calm yourself down, think inward. How does this person's words, actions, or appearance make you feel? Why? Avoid lowering yourself to gossiping by thinking positively.

Be a beacon of light, strength, confidence, security, and self-esteem.
When you speak negatively about others it eventually becomes a habit that you also incorporate in your life. When you absorb a negative mindset about others it impacts the way you may also feel about yourself. By being an example, evaluating negative thoughts, and examining what is driving them, you become a beacon of light, strength, confidence, security, and self-esteem. You build your self-esteem; think positively about others, yourself, and the world.

Aim for a positive reflection on everything in your life this New Year and every year, and you will be well on your way to a happiness that can't be easily interrupted. You won't feel the need to put others down or gossip, because you'll be too busy enjoying your life to stomp on the lives of others. For this new year and for life, stay positive and exemplify positivity.

First published Feb. 2011 © Copyright
Contact Us!
Click Here for More Articles!
Copyright © 2007-2012, Esteem Yourself. All Rights Reserved
ORG          RADIO        E-MAGAZINE
PRIVACY POLICY
 ARTICLES     I    KNOW    I     SHAPE     I    BUILD    I     STYLE    I    TOOLS    I     SURVEYS     I     LEARN     I      SHARE
Copyright © 2007-2011, Esteem Yourself. All Rights Reserved
Enlighten. Empower. Esteem.
Copyright © 2007-2011, Esteem Yourself. All Rights Reserved
ADVERTISE
I
VOLUNTEER
ABOUT
CONTACT
I
I
BLOG
I
PRESS
I
HOME
I
I
RADIO
ORG
I
TERMS & CONDITIONS
I
I
Would you like to share your self-esteem experience or story? Contact Us.
We want to hear from you!